A little off topic
by pushing-pamcakes
Summary: “What’s up with Abe?” Myers gave Hellboy a confused look
1. Run on Sentances

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**Title**: A little off topic

**Summary**: something in the BPRD is bugging Abe, eventually he cracks.

**Author's note**: the first two chapters are the prequel; the rest is the events leading up to the first chapter. Make sense?

**Author's note:** I am the queen of run-on sentences, I was doing a biology lab and I realized just how many run-on sentences I actually write. The worst part is I get really annoyed when I read other people's run-on sentences. Then of course, this little plot bunny smacked me over the head and refused to leave until I wrote it down.

**Run on sentances**

"**WHAM**" the file hit the desk so hard it felt like the floor was shaking. Hellboy could swear he even saw the legs of the desk buckle under the blow, which was an impressive feat, seeing as the desk was metal.

"What is this?" a blue webbed hand smacked the top of the file.

Hellboy looked up to meet his best friend's eyes. When people first met Abe they were surprised by the lack of facial expressions the merman exhibited, but for somebody who had know him for as long as Hellboy had it was easy to tell he was furious.

"It's my report from last week's outing Blue, what's wrong?"

"What's wrong? This is the worst field report I have EVER read!" Abe gestured wildly and for a moment Hellboy wondered if his friend was having a seizure.

"What do you mean?"

"Oh let's take a look shall we? Under the section for _colleagues involved_ you wrote: 'wanted to go alone, Myers followed as usual. He was wearing a new tie, it was nice, shame it got covered in monster goop, and actually all of him got covered in slime. Serves him right for insisting he back me up. Liz laughed at him, she had a new shirt on too, and they must have gone shopping together. Liz didn't get monster stuff on her so she made Myers sit as far away from her as possible, he pouted the whole way back.'"

"So it's a little off topic…" Hellboy shrugged, he's been barely awake when he wrote it, the important thing was he'd finished it on time. For once.

"A LITTLE OFF TOPIC?" Abe screeched, visibly shaking. "IT'S THE WORST THING I'VE EVER READ. DO YOU EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH? EVERY SINGLE SENTENCE IS A RUN ON SENTENCE **AND** HAS THE WORST GRAMMAR USE KNOW TO MAN."

Hellboy stared at his friend. "Uh Blue, maybe you need to calm down, go for a swim or something."

"I DO NOT NEED TO GO FOR A SWIM!" Abe was actually turning dark purple. "I NEED THE 60 YEAR OLD TO STOP WRITING HIS REPORTS LIKES HE'S IN GRADE 2!"

And with the Abe stormed from the room, barely avoiding running head-on into Myers as he brought in Helboy's dinner.

"What's up with Abe?" Myers gave Hellboy a confused look.

'I have no idea."


	2. field report

**Title**: A little off topic

**Summary**: something in the BPRD is bugging Abe, eventually he cracks.

**Author's note**: the first two chapters are the prequel; the rest is the events leading up to the first chapter. Make sense?

Field report

**Agent:** Hellboy

**Date:** Aug 5th 2006

**Time:** 2:30 pm

**Date of field mission:** July 20th 2006

**Time of field mission:** 1:30 am

**Colleagues involved:** wanted to go alone, Myers followed as usual. He was wearing a new tie, it was nice, shame it got covered in monster goop, and actually all of him got covered in slime. Serves him right for insisting he back me up. Liz laughed at him, she had a new shirt on too, and they must have gone shopping together. Liz didn't get monster stuff on her so she made Myers sit as far away from her as possible, he pouted the whole way back.

**Reason for mission: **the usual, monster stuff, though not same monsters as always, these one were littler. I don't like little demons, they're harder to hit with a bullet and there are always more of them. Why is that? Are they like bugs? Do they have a shorter life span and higher breeding rate? Should ask Liz, should also ask Liz if she did go shopping with Myers, wonder if she could pick up new scratching post for cats since cats have demolished old one and are now using me as scratching post.

**Description of mission: **squished little demons, mostly all over Myers's tie. Wonder how he's going to get that stuff out?

**Technical difficulties: **does the fact that there is a specific place on this stupid form to complain about the bad equipment actually mean that we are acknowledging that our weapons are old and crappy?

**Other: **what is exactly the point of the other question? I told you who went and what happened, what else do you need to know? How the drive home was? We stopped for hamburgers at a drive through, teenaged attendant confused by two men driving garbage truck through drive-thru and ordering 25 hamburgers. Couldn't convince Liz to let us stop for beer, which is bad since almost out of beer, which is cause for serious alarm!


	3. the very source of all evil

Title: A little off topic

**Title**: A little off topic

**Summary**: something in the BPRD is bugging Abe, eventually he cracks.

**Author's note**: the first two chapters are the prequel; the rest is the events leading up to the first chapter. Make sense?

**The very source of all evil**

Really was he asking so much?

A little peace and quiet wouldn't be all that bad around here. It was not, as Red suggested, dead and depressing, cold and gloomy, dark and eerie, or any other description pulled straight out of a horror movie script. The bureau was nice, peaceful and calming. Filled with agents coming and going, calmly doing their work. Of course there was the odd occasion when the bureau played host to some gutter daemon that was dragged in kicking and screaming and for a few hours a slight pandemonium would arise in the hallways. Other than that, the only time there was any disruption of the peace and quiet was when the red alarms blared and they all when running for the lockers and their gear.

Until now.

Abe considered himself very fortuitous, which is why he deeply regrets not insisting the infernal wii be removed from the BPRD the second agent Talc had stepped into the building with the very source of all evil resting in his hands. The oh-so-concerned agent had convinced Manning that the new game system was just what the agents needed to keep fit, stay mentally alert and most importantly, keep Hellboy from getting bored.

Red loved the evil beeping box; Myers had set it up in the main lounge, right across from the back entrance to the library and down the hall from Hellboy's room. This had guaranteed a big crowd day in and day out to challenge each other in what Liz called digital metaphorical penis measuring contests. The symphony of catcalls and jeers wafted in through the library doors at an almost constant pace, interrupting Abe's attempts to appreciate the elegant harmonies of Vivaldy.

However Abe considered himself one of the more elegant and well mannered of the bureau's agents and therefore thought it unseemly to throw a temper tantrum over the noise. He settled for merely insisting that a curfew be placed on the wii's use. Manning and agent Clay had agreed and at precisely 10pm every night the wii was turned off and Abe regained his peace and quiet. After all, why couldn't he put up with a little noise during the day?

That was until the little noise became a giant overblown symphony of eardrum destroying sound.

What had happened was simple, in an attempt to persuade Hellboy to throw out some of his old crap Liz had bought a multiplayer war game, that had, within 10 min of being unwrapped become Red's favorite new toy. The only problem, according to Myers and Hellboy, was that the TV speakers were too quiet for the game.

Myers found a solution, a Dolby® Digital Surround EX and DTS-ES solution. 8 generous speakers that he and Liz snuck in the back delivery doors and then set up in the middle of the night. 8 speakers designed to perfection, transporting you right into the middle of the action. 8 speakers perfect for video games and worst of all action movies. The kind of action movies that get louder every time something blows up.

Abe was never speaking to either of them again.


End file.
